


In Need of Help

by tollpatsch



Category: SHINee
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, Little Space, Multi, Polyamory, References to Depression, and loving him, and ot4 rich and famous at the same uni, it's going to be loads of ot4 cuddling jinki, jinki with undiagnosed health problems, little taemin, mostly just a way of coping for myself tbh, sub minho, sub space
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-13
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2018-09-08 10:07:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8840437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tollpatsch/pseuds/tollpatsch
Summary: Having been accepted to a prestigious university but with health problems that impact him hugely on his daily life, Lee Jinki meets four famous young men that seem to accept him despite all the downfalls.





	1. Part 1

Jinki took a deep breath looking at the university building. The first day.

He had moved to the new town two days ago after having gotten a scholarship at the prestigious university. Those two days he had mostly spent in his room in the flat he shared with three others to let his body rest. At least on the first day he wanted to come across as normal.

 

And it had worked. He was a bit slow and if one looked closely, they would notice a slight limp. But he didn’t need to use his crutches so he was positive that no one would pay any particular attention to him.

The first day didn’t have any lessons yet, just introductions and a tour of the campus. Jinki felt a few nervous butterflies erupt in his stomach at the thought of the tour but he told himself to be optimistic. It would be fine. And if it turned out to not be fine, he would just leave the rest of the group and go back on his own. Still better than showing up on crutches on the first day.

He went into the big lecture hall where all first-years were gathered. It amazed him that the university was so small that an entire year could fit into a lecture hall with 1500 seats. He sat down in one of the front rows – avoiding the stairs – and watched the lecture hall fill up. He was one of the first to come and had made sure to sit in the middle of the row as not to seem as if he was blocking it from either side but it still took a while until someone sat down next to him.

“Hi,” she smiled. “I’m Park Sunyoung.”

“Lee Jinki,” he smiled back. She seemed nice. “What’s you major?”

“Psychology. My parents wanted me to do law but that’s way too boring so I’m glad I got out of that one. What’s yours?”

Jinki grinned widely. “Law.”

She groaned and hid her face behind her hands. “Of course it is! Sorry!!”

“No bother, I know most people think that way.”

“You don’t?”

“I like it.” Jinki shrugged. “I like building arguments with my knowledge and having discussions. I could do without all the memorizing though.”

“Exactly!” She pointed a finger at him, seemed to realize that that was impolite and quickly took it down. “How do you deal with that? I would-“ but she interrupted herself at the same time a distinct hush went through the noisy hall. “Oh, here they are.”

“Who?” Jinki looked around and spotted five young men that had just entered. He recognized them vaguely. “Am I supposed to know them?”

“Choi Minho,” she pointed at the tallest of the four. “He acted in several big dramas and movies.”

“Kim Kibum,” she pointed at the one with bubble-gum-pink hair. “He owns very successful fashion line.”

“Kim Jonghyun,” she pointed at the smallest. “Son of a chaebol and a music producer.”

“Lee Taemin,” she pointed at the one with blond hair. “Another chaebol son. He won several big dance competitions and makes choreographies for K-Pop groups sometimes.”

Jinki’s mouth opened in a silent “ah”. He watched in mild fascination as the four boys sat down in one of the rows towards the front. They were all handsome but the air of importance and self-assurance around them slightly rubbed Jinki the wrong way. He was too used to trying to blend in to feel comfortable around people that did the opposite.

“Two years ago they seemed to have found each other for some reason. No one really knows why but you always see them together. Jonghyun even took a year off so he could go to uni with the others.”

Jinki wanted to reply but all conversations come to an abrupt halt when a petite lady at podium cleared her throat.

“Welcome to SKY University.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

All optimistic hopes Jinki had for the campus tour were shattered after about ten minutes. Since the main building was built on old ruins, and the basement had an exhibition of the old walls and artefacts that had been found during construction, it was only logical that they would go there. Apparently an elevator existed but Jinki didn’t see it and the guide of the group he was in (aka the law students) was a rather terrifyingly grumpy middle-aged man and Jinki simply wasn’t desperate enough to face his wrath. Maybe it would be fine.

Getting down the stairs was fine. He took them rather slowly and everybody was so busy staring at the four famous young men in their group, nobody looked at him weirdly.

But as soon as the slowly-walk-past-the-exhibition-part began, Jinki’s body protested. It had never liked that particular way of moving and the stairs had already irritated his hip. He sent one last longing look at the exhibition pieces and went to lean against the wall close to the exit. Maybe another day he could come back to look at everything. But not that day. He took out his phone to play while the others were occupied but only a few seconds in, another body next to him caught his attention. It was the small one from the group that could quieten a whole lecture hall just by appearing. Jong…in?

“Hi, I’m Kim Jonghyun.” He smiled and bowed in greeting. Ah. Almost got it right.

“Lee Jinki, nice to meet you.” Jinki bowed back.

“So Jinki, why aren’t you joining the tour?” Jonghyun spoke rather softly but with the air of someone who knew their high self-confidence was invulnerable.

“Uh… my hip isn’t fond of that kind of walking. Any walking really, but especially that.” Jinki forced a smile and hoped Jonghyun wouldn’t ask further. To his relief, he didn’t, just looked at him silently for a few seconds.

“Definitely a more interesting reason than mine. My dad funded this exhibition so I’ve been dragged here countless times for all sorts of events. Richard is only interesting for the first three times.”

Jinki grinned. “Richard?”

“The skeleton they found in one of the walls. Terrible company to be honest, but the poor guy isn’t really at fault I guess.”

“I love looking at that stuff.” Jinki sighed and rubbed gently over the angry burning in his upper thigh.

“I can take you one day.” Jonghyun offered. “I probably know more by now than Mr. Grump.”

Jinki laughed and thanked him and together they watched in silence how the tour of the exhibition came to an end and people started staring at them. If he could, Jinki would’ve moved out of the spotlight but moving probably would have garnered even more attention since he was certain that he would be limping quite noticeably. The other three guys came over to them.

“Jongie, who is that?” The tallest asked and Jinki felt himself shrink.

“Ah,” Jonghuyn lit up. “That’s Lee Jinki.” He quickly introduced the others and after the round of bows was over, he continued. “I was just going to show him the elevator. You coming with us?”

Jinki stared at Jonghyun, almost unable to believe how perceptive he was. A warm feeling grew in his chest and he smiled.


	2. Part Two

After they helped him get through the tour, Jinki didn’t really interact with Jonghyun, Kibum, Minho and Taemin for a couple of weeks. He met up with Sunyoung for lunch a few times but other than that he kept mostly to himself. He needed the crutches everyday he had to leave the house and he was always so tired after a few hours at uni that he just wanted to get to his bed.

In other words: he had almost no way to establish any friendships. The other students in the law courses seemed to perceive him as reclusive and since he always hesitated when they asked him to go out with them, he could totally understand that perception.

On the third Wednesday of the semester Jinki knew immediately after he left the house that it would be a hard day. His right leg was the usual – not quite painful but unable to hold him up. But every time he put pressure on the left leg, a sharp pain flared up in his hip. He resolved to relying on the crutches completely to move him forward by putting all of his weight on his arms and then moving his legs. It was slow and painful but it got the job done. He would not go back home. He knew, once he started taking days off it would just result in a downward spiral and all his hard work to get into SKY University would have been for nothing. He had the next day off; he would just lay in bed all day then. But this Wednesday he would get through.

He managed to get to his extra-credit Japanese class on time, but just barely. He had originally planned to go to the bakery beforehand to get some breakfast. He didn’t have the energy to go grocery shopping lately so he didn’t have anything in his apartment that would constitute as a breakfast. But he was so slow and really didn’t want to move any more than he absolutely had to that he directly went to the class.

He had been even slower than expected and needed over 15 minutes for a distance that he usually did in 7 minutes (with the crutches so the other students needed about 3 minutes).

The next lecture was right after the Japanese class and while he had over 20 minutes to get there, Jinki didn’t want to risk it and went there directly.

The lecture was in a room that was only accessible over a small flight of stairs. Jinki hated it. He stood at the bottom of the stairs and looked at them with a deep sigh. It was only 4 steps but it looked like so much more.

“Uhm, excuse me?” A soft, unsure voice jerked him out of his contemplations. Lee Taemin stood at the top of the stairs and looked down at him with a concerned look on his face. “Can I help you?”

Jinki debated with himself for a second, since he didn’t want to give off the impression that he was dependent on anyone. But just in that moment his hip throbbed in an especially nasty, burning pain and he nodded. Taemin skipped down to him and smiled widely.

“What do I do?”

“Uhm… Could you take one of the crutches? And then I can pull myself up on your arm or shoulder?”

Jinki felt uncomfortable.

But Taemin just nodded and let himself be directed to the side that would help the most. It was surprisingly easy for Taemin to get a hang of it and they reached the top of the stairs with surprisingly little pain on Jinki’s part.

“Why didn’t you already go into the room?” Jinki asked when he saw Taemin’s backpack lean against the wall next to the door.

“Oh, errm, I,” Taemin fiddled with his fingers. “I like to wait for Jonghyun, Kibum and Minho. It feels weird to just go inside on my own. The others always stare so much.”

Jinki nodded. He could empathize with that sentiment.

All of a sudden, Minho, Jonghyun and Kibum appeared next to them. Taemin lit up. “Hey!”

“Hey Minnie,” Jonghyun ruffled his hair. “Did you wait for long?”

“Hi Jinki!” Kibum interjected pointedly.

Jinki smiled. “Hi.”

Minho and Jonghyun greeted him too and as five, they entered the lecture hall. Almost all heads moved as one to look at them. Jinki tried to make himself small. He didn’t like the attention, but he knew that he was just as recognizable to their fellow students as the four famous young men next to him – and being together with them just doubled his peculiarity.

He followed the other four into the room but when they started walking up the steps to the rows of chairs and tables, he stopped. A sharp pain laced up his right arm and into his chest every time he put pressure on the crutches. He couldn’t breathe.

Minho turned around to smile at him but his friendly expression quickly morphed into one of concern when he saw that Jinki was still at the bottom of the steps.

“Jinki, are you ok?”

Jinki shrugged helplessly and then his mind went blank and tears spilled over. “I can’t move.” He pressed out and suddenly Kibum was there, enveloping him in a careful but protecting embrace. His mind registered briefly that he and Kibum really weren’t on that level of friendship but he didn’t care.

He sobbed.

Three foreign hands started stroking his back. They just made him cry harder.

Kibum managed to get the problem out of him and Minho immediately took his backpack off his back. Someone asked him, if they should carry him to a seat. Jinki shook his head. He was slowly becoming aware of the rest of the students again and traces of embarrassment started climbing up his neck. A bunch of mostly-strangers just watched him have a break-down. Great.

“I’ll sit in the first row with you Jinki. Can you make it there?” Kibum asked quietly. Jinki nodded.

The very first row of seats in the lecture hall was level with the ground, but it didn’t have desks. The first chair was three steps away from where they were standing.

Jinki collapsed into it very carefully and closed his eyes. He was exhausted. Both sides of his hips were on fire. His chest only let a very little amount of air in. He sat on his chair with a straight back, his hands in his lap and his feet firmly planted on the ground. There was movement and shuffling noises next to him but he was too scared to move his head to look.

Kibum’s voice was suddenly in his ear. “If there’s anything you want noted down, just tell me, yeah? I’ll write it down.”

Jinki smiled and his breathing got a small sliver better.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Once the lecture was over, Jinki could move again. The two hours of sitting perfectly still had helped (especially after he made the others stop moving in a way that made his chair shake) and while neither of his hips could hold him up, his chest had relaxed again. He sighed in relief but then remembered that somehow, he had to get home and his good mood, as faint as it had been, flew away again. He had enough money for a taxi home, but that would still mean getting out of the building and to the street. In his current position, he would probably need 15 minutes for that – the other students usually needed three. Maybe if he called a taxi right then, it would arrive at the same time he exited the building? Then he wouldn’t have to stand for too long…

But before his plans could take on any shape or form, Kibum next to him cleared his throat.

“Hey, how are you feeling?”

“It’s better.” Jinki turned to smile at him. “I don’t think I can really move but I can breathe.” He finished with a wide grin but it faltered when Kibum frowned.

“You couldn’t breathe?”

“Oh, uhm, that’s kinda why I couldn’t move. Every time I put pressure on my arms, my chest hurt.”

Kibum frowned even more. “I was going to ask for your approval on this but now you don’t have the right to refuse, to be honest.” He turned to look at Jonghyun. “Is she here yet?”

Jonghyun looked up from his phone. “Did he say yes?”

(Jinki was so confused.)

“I didn’t ask. He couldn’t breathe. I won’t let him go on his own now. Tell her to come in.”

(Jinki was actually getting suspicious.)

Kibum turned back to Jinki. “Jonghyun texted his housekeeper to send a driver with his great-grandma’s old wheelchair. We’re bringing you home with it.”

(Oh.)

Jinki didn’t know what to say, so he just nodded. He couldn’t really wrap his mind around the idea that someone sent a driver to get him a wheelchair. Just like that. Without having to be asked.

Almost all other students were gone (some had lingered to stare some more) and Jinki was in the middle of listening to a story Minho was telling him about his team’s latest soccer game, when the wheelchair arrived. The woman pushing it grinned when she saw the five young men and hurried to them.

“Your wheelchair, as wished.”

“Thank you Amber.” Minho beamed. Kibum narrowed his eyes and looked at Jinki.

“How do you get up?”

Jinki blushed slightly. “Is it ok if I hold onto your forearms?”

Kibum looked him up and down for a second, then turned to look at Minho. “Minho, can you help Jinki up? You’re taller and stronger than I am.”

Minho laughed. “Wow, that’s the first time you admitted that.” He teased and his smile was so open and affectionate that Jinki couldn’t help but smile back.

He gripped Minho’s forearms just underneath his elbows and Minho instinctively supported his arms as well. He held onto him until he was slowly lowered into the wheelchair. His legs shook so hard they almost vibrated.

“Dude, that looks uncomfortable.” Amber commented behind him. Jinki laughed.

“You could say that.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

The way home was not comfortable (the inevitable shaking of a moving vehicle was awful for the hip) but still nice. Jinki didn’t say much, he just listened to Jonghyun, Minho and Kibum bicker back and forth, with random inputs from Taemin and Amber. Jinki wasn’t sure whether Taemin was just quiet or was a bit awkward and couldn’t quite judge when to contribute to the conversation. Every time he said something it seemed to relate to something that would’ve fit better a few minutes before – but most of the time what he said was good-natured teasing and he often managed to bring the conversation to a short halt when everybody laughed.

Jinki loved it.

Jonghyun pushed him into his flat (Minho ran ahead to open the doors) but because Jinki remembered the chaos his room was in, he directed him to the kitchen. None of his flatmates seemed to be home and Jinki appreciated it. He was not in the mood to explain the issue to another person.

He had expected the other four (Amber had driven off again, she was needed somewhere else) would just bring him home and then leave immediately but they. Stayed. They sat around the table and talked, once in a while asking Jinki about his opinion so that he got more and more into the conversation.

Jonghyun eventually asked what groceries Jinki had at home so he could make a quick dinner. Jinki stared at him, slightly flabbergasted, but then he mumbled that he didn’t really have much since he couldn’t go shopping lately.

Only two minutes later, Jonghyun and Minho had left (under protests from Jinki) to go to the nearest supermarket and get basic groceries.

The three remaining boys were enveloped in silence. Jinki was so overwhelmed by the situation that he didn’t know what to say. Taemin hadn’t said anything in a long time, he was just looking down and fidgeting in his chair. Kibum obviously didn’t want to start a conversation where he knew that he would be met by silence.

Just as the situation got uncomfortable and Jinki contemplated excusing himself to the bathroom (even though he had no idea how to get there, since his chest and arms probably wouldn’t allow him to push the wheelchair on his own), Taemin turned in his chair to fully look at Kibum next to him. His shoulders slumped and seemed to shrink slightly.

“Umma,” he mumbled. “I’m sleepy.”

A short, deafening silence, in which Jinki looked between the two, confused, and Kibum stared at Taemin, ensued.

Then Kibum smiled softly and stroked Taemin’s hair. “Don’t worry Baby, you can sleep.” He turned to Jinki and his smile dropped. “Would you be ok with Taeminnie sleeping in your bed for a bit?”

“Er, yeah, of, of course.” Jinki stammered. “He can just put all the stuff on there on the ground. It’s the door with the picture of a sheep.”

Instead of just Taemin getting up, as Jinki had expected, Kibum stood as well and grabbed Taemin’s hand to lead him out of the kitchen. Jinki leaned back in his wheelchair, at a loss for words. He thought back to his interactions with the other four but he couldn’t recall a time where Taemin was either called Baby or where he called one of the other by anything but their names. And Kibum’s way of talking to him was strange as well – so soft and affectionate.

Kibum came back soon. He sat in the chair opposite Jinki and looked at him intensely.

“Uhm…” Jinki started. “Is he ok?”

Kibum sighed. “He slipped into Little Space. He wasn’t feeling very Big to begin with today and I guess the whole excitement around you tipped him over.”

“I’m sorry.” Jinki sagged in his chair. Guilt churned in his chest.

“Oh no, don’t be. It’s not a bad thing, just one that happens from time to time when he’s with us. His age never regresses that far – probably around six or seven most of the time – but if it does he just needs a lot of affection and love and care. I have the honour,” Kibum made a slightly sour face, “to be the Umma. Minho and Jonghyun both get Appa. Taeminnie can’t even explain why.”

Jinki grinned. “I think it suits you.” He said cheekily and Kibum chuckled.

“Just so you don’t get it wrong: this is not a sexual thing. I know lots of people think it’s just a kink, but it’s not. Of course, for some people it works like that. But Minnie just needs some paternal affection sometimes and that’s the way his sub consciousness thinks it can get it best. Please don’t judge him.” Kibum looked vulnerable all of a sudden and Jinki distantly wondered whether this was just about Taemin.

“No worries, I don’t mind. As long as no one gets hurt, I’m fine with it.” Jinki shrugged.

With the ice broken, they easily fell into a conversation about university. Kibum told Jink about how the content of their classes related to the fashion business and Jinki was fascinated. He knew Law was versatile but he had never thought twice about the fashion industry.

“I can take you shopping one day!” Kibum offered, his eyes alight.

Jinki smiled bitterly. “I would love to. But I can’t even go groceries shopping, how could I look for clothes?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the Liittle Space wasn't planned... it just kinda happened. But I'm excited about it to be honest ^_^  
> Please let me know what you think ❤
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com


	3. Part 3

Minho and Jonghyun came back from their shopping trip and they brought way more than Jinki had ever expected. They even carried toilet paper. _Toilet paper_.

 

Jinki was almost tempted to take a picture of two of the most sought-after guys of their university groaning under the weight of groceries. He bet it would make them even more popular.

 

“We thought we’d get all the stuff that was necessary and then both, kinda, went overboard?” Jonghyun explained, rubbing his neck sheepishly. “But we got a lot of foodstuffs that will last so you won’t have to worry about food. We even got cereal and soy milk, because soy milk lasts for ages if you don’t open it.”

 

Jinki was speechless.

 

“But, where is Taeminnie?” Minho asked after he had put a carton of eggs into the fridge.

 

“Taeminnie,” Kibum stressed the ‘minnie’ part, “is taking a nap in Jinki’s bed.”

 

Minho’s and Jonghyun’s heads swivelled around to look at Jinki. “Oh.”

 

Jinki shifted uncomfortably. “I honestly don’t mind.”

 

Jonghyun opened his mouth to reply, but a small voice in the door interrupted him. Taemin stood there, hugging Jinki’s pillow to his chest. “Appa, you’re back,” he said sleepily and smiled. He made his way over to Minho and sat down on his lap. “I missed you.”

 

“I missed you too Minnie.” Minho cooed and joined Kibum and Jonghyun in their staring at Jinki.

 

Jinki was at a loss what to do. He was a tolerant person by nature – he had never understood discrimination based on anything uncontrollable. In school, when he learned about the segregation in the USA, it had taken him weeks to understand the root cause of it. The whole historical sequence of events to lead there was easy to get. But why would people actively oppose the Civil Rights Movement? Jinki didn’t understand. Same with discrimination against homosexuality or transsexuality or anything else that fell on the spectrum. Jinki was aware that racism and bigotry existed. He just didn’t get why.

 

But how would he be able to convince his new friends that they didn’t have to worry about anything malicious from him?

 

He cleared his throat into the tense silence (only unnoticed by Taemin who was happily snuggling into Minho’s chest). “Uhm, Taeminnie?” Taemin perked up with eager eyes. “Would you like a chocolate lolly? I have the bunny shaped ones?”

 

Taemin squealed in excitement and Jinki made to get up to hobble over to the pantry since his hip felt bearable again but Kibum stopped him. “Don’t worry, I’ll get it. I think I saw them earlier when we put the groceries away.” His voice, his eyes and whole body language had warmed up considerably –  just like Minho’s and Jonghyun’s.

 

“Onew?” Taemin asked into the room once he had the lolly. The other four shared confused glances.

 

“Onew?” Jonghyun echoed.

 

Taemin groaned like only a 7-year-old could groan when his parents didn’t understand him. “Onew!” He declared, pointing at Jinki.

 

“… Okay?” Jinki answered, not so intelligently. Minho, Kibum and Jonghyun just shrugged in response to his questioning look.

 

“Wanna sit on your lap to eat.”

 

“Oh, um, Taeminnie, I would love to but my leg is hurting and with someone on my lap it would be worse.” Taemin’s eyes started to fill with tears. “But!” Jinki rushed to say. He could not handle tears. “I have a sofa in my room. How about we cuddle there?”

 

His words had the desired effect. Taemin squealed again and jumped up to run to the room. Minho sighed quietly as he got up to push Jinki after him. Jinki suggested he could probably get up and get there by himself but neither of the other boys even considered that possibility. So he got pushed to his room and mentally cringed when he saw the chaos it was in. Clothes were everywhere, along with empty wrappers of sweets and crisps and random papers and books. But Taemin had freed the small sofa by what seemed like the simple method of just dumping everything that had been on it on the ground. Jinki sagged. He hated bending down to pick up stuff when his body wasn’t in good shape. But Taemin looked so happy as he sat on the sofa, wiggling with excitement and with a still wrapped chocolate lolly in his hands that Jinki couldn’t be mad.

 

“Onew, Onew.” Taemin chirped and Jinki chuckled.

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming Taeminnie.”

 

Minho helped him get up and slide onto the sofa. It hurt, his hip burned and his chest compressed in protest to the movement. He was glad that nobody had let him get up before. Trying to actually stand and walk would have been way worse if not impossible once again.

 

As soon as Jinki sat somewhat comfortably, Taemin slid up to him and sat sideways so he could hide his face in Jinki’s neck and have his legs over Jinki’s. The pressure on his thighs hurt a bit but it was bearable. Having someone cuddle with him was worth it.

 

It was only a matter of minutes until both Taemin and Jinki were fast asleep.

 

 

Kibum gently shook their shoulders to wake them up again 20 minutes later. Jinki grumbled in his sleep, too comfortable in his dreams to be torn from them.

 

“Dinner is ready.” Kibum announced.

 

And Jinki was wide awake.

 

Taemin’s blond head was still nestled into his neck, his roots but a dark shimmer under the gold. The younger was not showing any signs of waking up soon and Jinki almost regretted it, but his legs had started screaming at him to remove the weight (funny how sometimes even pain needs time to become fully awake) on them, so he carefully manoeuvred Taemin’s legs off of his. As expected, Taemin started muttering and mumbling and then he yawned widely and stretched his arms and opened his eyes.

 

“Hey Jinki, Kibum,” He smiled.

 

“Good morning sleeping beauty,” Kibum teased, ruffling Taemin’s hair. Then he looked at Jinki. “Should I get you back into the wheelchair?”

 

Jinki nodded. His hips hadn’t stopped screaming yet.

 

Taemin pushed him back to the kitchen where Minho and Jonghyun were already seated at the set table. “We just rummaged through the cabinets to find the stuff, I hope you don’t mind.” Minho looked apologetic but Jinki quickly reassured him that, “don’t worry, it’s fine, thank you so much!”

 

While they ate, one of Jinki’s flatmates came home. She looked into the kitchen, clearly recognized at least one of the boys, squeaked and went to her room. After two seconds of silence, Jinki started giggling first, then Minho joined him and soon all of them were chortling, trying to keep on eating.

 

As Taemin did the dishes (“But Kibum, I was little when you cooked!” “Yes, that’s why you didn’t have to help then.”) Jinki realized he didn’t want the four to leave. Not just because he honestly wondered how he would get ready for bed and into bed on his own, but also because he felt like part of their group. He was still awkward talking to them and they had lots of people and memories to talk about that Jinki never heard of but still. He felt comfortable around them.

 

But everything had to come to an end and all too soon, they were putting on their shoes and coats. Amber was on her way to pick them up and would arrive any second.

 

“Thank you again.” Jinki repeated for the 10th time in three minutes. “I don’t know what I would have done without you.”

 

“Again, you’re welcome.” Jonghyun grinned. Then he sobered up a bit. “Do you have uni tomorrow?”

 

Jinki shook his head. “Tomorrow’s off for me. I’m just gonna lie in bed and watch Netflix probably.” He shrugged.

 

Kibum opened his mouth to reply but he was interrupted by someone honking outside. “That’ll be Amber.” He said instead. “We’ll see on Friday then Jinki. Please take care, ok?”

 

Jinki promised he would and said goodbye to them all. Taemin looked at him shyly and just waved as a goodbye. But Minho, in contrast had a wide smile and waving hands for him.

 

Jinki sighed and closed the door. They had to take the chair with them because it would be needed the next day. And he wasn’t able to navigate the chair through the flat and his arms were not able to push him anyway. But his hip and chest had relaxed considerably during dinner so he was back to his regular limping. He still hated it but in comparison to his state earlier that day, he felt almost thankful.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“Jinki!” Minho cheered as soon as Jinki had managed to push the door of the small classroom open. It was a small group of students – only 12 in total. Jinki didn’t know how he managed to get into the group with Jonghyun, Minho, Kibum and Taemin but especially after the Wednesday he couldn’t be happier.

 

Kibum immediately got up to hold the door open. Some of the doors were heavy and fell closed as soon as you let them go but since Jinki needed both hands for the crutches he had quite a lot of bruises on his shoulders. Jinki would never understand how Kibum just seemed to _get_ those problems.

 

Taemin pulled out the chair next to him for Jinki and smiled when he sat down.

 

“Jinki, um, about Wednesday,” he began quietly as soon as nobody was looking at them anymore. “I didn’t think about it then but I’m sorry, that must’ve really been a shock to you.”

 

Jinki patted his arm. “Don’t worry about it. I am curious about one thing though.” He waited for a few seconds to watch Taemin grow increasingly more anxious. It was cute. “Why Onew?”

 

Taemin huffed a relieved chuckle and shrugged. “I don’t know. It just kinda came to me. Are you alright with it?”

 

“I don’t mind. I like it, I think. I’ll just have to remember that you mean me.” Jinki grinned. Taemin seemed to want to answer but right then someone bumped against their table and the crutches that had been leaning against it clattered to the ground. Everyone jumped in their seats and turned to see what had caused the disturbance. Jinki felt himself grow scarlet. “Sorry.” He mumbled and ducked down to pick them up.

 

The teacher cleared his throat. “Alright guys, let’s start. Please take out the text you were supposed to read.”

 

40 minutes into the seminar Taemin, who had been completely silent until then, turned around and looked at Jinki. “Onew? Do you have a bunny shaped lolly?”

 

Jinki swallowed. That couldn’t be good. “I don’t have a lolly Minnie but just normal chocolate. Is that ok too?”

 

Taemin pouted but nodded eventually. He looked adorable. Jinki quickly gave him a piece and reminded him that he needed to be quiet – like a snake before it attacked. Taemin nodded with a serious look on his face and happily chewed his chocolate. Kibum turned around to look at them. Jinki made a hand gesture to signal that Taemin was little (he held his out next to him and lowered it). Kibum understood immediately. His brows furrowed and he looked concerned. A minute later Jinki received a small piece of paper with hastily scribbled directions on it.

 

Ask him to help you get to the bathroom. Get him out of here for a bit, maybe it’ll pass soon.

 

“Taeminnie, could you help me get to the bathroom? But remember, we are still a snake so we need to be quiet.”

 

Taemin nodded and got up slowly. His movements were slightly exaggerated in their slowness and Kibum, Minho and Jonghyun raised their eyebrows as they watched them. But no one else seemed to notice.

 

Outside, Jinki went to a bench a few metres away from them in a secluded corner of the campus and sat down. Taemin bounced over to him. “Onew,” he whispered loudly. “Onew that’s not the potty.”

 

Jinki chuckled. “I know, I just thought you don’t want to be quiet anymore. Do you want to run a bit? Or should I tell you a story?”

 

In the end Jinki told him a story and Taemin acted out some of the fight scenes. He seemed to have the time of his life and even Jinki’s hip was quiet. It seemed quite content as well. Kibum, Jonghyun and Minho eventually joined them with their bags and it didn’t take long for Jonghyun to help Taemin with the fights. Jinki’s ideas started to run out. His two main characters had already defeated every monster he could think of and Taemin didn’t show any sign of tiring. Minho seemed to sense it and took over.

 

Jinki sighed and leaned back. He felt full of an emotion he couldn’t quite name. But it felt nice.

 

“We told the teacher that you needed to lie down for your hip. He told me to tell you to get better soon.” Kibum said to him quietly as to not disturb the massacre that was happening on the lawn. Jonghyun was begging for mercy on the ground but Taemin seemed way too enthusiastic to grant his pleas.

 

“Yeah, the one good thing about this,” Jinki grinned. “Nobody wants to be the asshole to deny me stuff.”

 

Kibum laughed. “You know, I didn’t want to ask but I am too curious and of course you don’t have to tell me anything and that’s fine and I don’t want to be rude and-“

 

“I don’t know what it is.” Jinki cut him off. “The doctors can’t find a reason for me to have these problems. I’m apparently perfectly healthy.”

 

Kibum frowned. “That seems impossible.”

 

“I know. It’s shit.”

 

“I can only imagine.”

 

In silence, they watched the other three – specifically Taemin as he conquered the forest kingdom and defeated the seven-headed dinosaur. Jonghyun lay on the ground groaning while Taemin danced around him in victory. Minho led them through the end of the story and then sighed deeply when he could stop.

 

Taemin skipped over to Jinki and Kibum and squeezed himself between them. Jinki winced at the pressure on the outside of his right leg and scooted away. But Taemin didn’t notice. He immediately lapsed into telling Jinki and Kibum every single of his fight against the dinosaur and the kingdom he had just won. Jinki, who had listened to the story as much as possible didn’t call him out for all the exaggerations. Little ones were allowed to do that.

 

Jinki got home that night and sat at his desk and stared at his computer screen for an hour. He didn’t do anything but scroll through tumblr. He didn’t reblog anything. His mind screamed at him to read the assigned literature but he couldn’t. He just stared and felt empty. And then he went to bed. Sleep took him after over an hour of restless tossing around.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

On Tuesday Jinki sat at his desk and tried to read the assigned literature for another class. But he couldn’t concentrate.

 

The next day would be a Wednesday again.

 

And by the way his body twitched slightly even when he didn’t move, he knew he wouldn’t make it through the day. The breakdown the week before had left its marks and Jinki was scared.

 

He prided himself on his ability to function in defiance to his rebelling body. But if he wanted to continue his studies he would have to admit defeat. His phone stared at him as he held it in one hand. He stared back.

 

Jinki did not want to be dependant. The idea of relying on anyone for basic issues made him uncomfortable. He had always been an independent person; his parents had made it impossible to grow up any other way. Asking for help was the first step to dependency and helplessness and Jinki was scared to go down that road. He didn’t know where it would lead him. But he could not imagine it would be a good place.

 

In the end however, rationality won out and he dialled Jonghyun’s number.

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

Jonghyun arrived early the next morning with Kibum in tow. They had apparently had a sleepover and decided to come together. Jinki was strangely touched. The wheelchair stood in front of Jonghyun, mocking Jinki with its appeal.

 

“Your ride is here.” Kibum said with a flourish.

 

Jinki invited them in for a cup of tea. “You guys are way too early.”

 

Leaving the crutches in the flat and being wheeled outside felt strange – like he left a part of him behind. His crutches were his means of independence. They were always in the way and a bother and he hated that he never had his hands free. But still. In the wheelchair, his arms could not move him for more than a few metres. He could only hope Jonghyun and Kibum knew how much he trusted them with this request.

 

They arrived at Jinki’s Japanese class. Kibum pushed him inside, to a table in the back. The heads of all students already present swivelled around to gawk at them and Jinki’s stomach sank.

 

“We’ll go for some coffee and pick you up once this is over. Minho is really good at Japanese, he needed to learn it for some drama he did once. He’d love it if he could help you at some point.” Kibum patted his shoulder and left the room. Jinki shrunk into himself under all the stares. But the wheelchair felt too comfortable and fitting for his situation and body feeling for him to regret the decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it's been ages... I've gone through a rough patch but it's way better now :) This chapter is mainly intended to set the atmosphere and build more of the universe. Next chapter will have some bigger stuff happening.
> 
> Thank you for reading and please drop a comment ❤
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com


	4. Part Four

 

 

The wheelchair became a fixed part of Jinki’s life. He didn’t use it every day – he still fought through most days on his crutches. When he had told his mother about it, she had reacted subdued. She refused to fully grasp the extent to which Jinki was limited. Jinki guessed she wouldn’t be able to deal with that knowledge. “Please don’t get used to it Jinki, remember you don’t actually need it.” She had begged him. He didn’t bother correct her.

 

But he did agree with her on the first point. He did not want to get used to it. It was a great relief and he was glad that he had admitted to himself that he needed it. However, he felt queasy whenever he had to look up at everyone, when he needed to rely on someone else to get somewhere, when desks and chairs had to be moved aside for him. He relished the independence the crutches gave him.

 

One consequence the wheelchair brought that he hadn’t foreseen was the close friendship with Jonghyun, Kibum, Minho and Taemin. He relied heavily on them in his everyday life – from grocery shopping to getting around.

 

On the first day of the semester, Sunyoung had told Jinki about the boys’ accomplishments and status but Jinki didn’t see any of those until exams were almost upon them.

 

Jonghyun called him on a Saturday, all breathless excitement and bubbling enthusiasm and asked him, whether he’d be up to a trip to a studio. “Taemin and Minho will be there and Taemin isn’t very Big today and I have my hands full with Minho, could you maybe look after Taemin a bit? You’ll love it here, we’re doing such a cool project! Amber can pick you up.”

 

Jinki, positively overwhelmed but also anxiously excited and confused, agreed.

 

“And don’t worry, everything here is wheelchair friendly! Just give us a call when you’re downstairs.” Jonghyun hung up without waiting for a response.

 

Amber arrived twenty minutes later and grinned at him. “How’re you feeling today? Wheelchair yay or nay?”

 

Jinki stared at her blankly. “I have no idea.” And he really did not. His body felt strange but he could limp around his flat without his crutches quite comfortably. In the end, he decided against the chair, even if purely because he remember his mother’s pleas. He did not want to get used to it.

 

Amber was a fun companion. She talked about light-hearted stuff, with just enough bite and wit to be hilarious. Jinki forgot completely to be anxious about their destination until they arrived. Then it slammed into him, knocking him breathless for a split second. Amber helped him coordinate his crutches as he exited the car but then he was on his own. After a short call with Jonghyun, it only took two minutes for Minho to arrive.

 

“Hi, Jinki,” Minho said with a soft smile. He was wearing a classic black, perfectly fitted suit. His hair was styled back to expose his forehead. Jinki swallowed. “Jonghyun said I should bring you to the studio we’re working in. Are you alright?”

 

Jinki nodded, frowning. Something about Minho was different. He couldn’t put a finger on it, but it was there.

 

They slowly made their way to an elevator. The whole building was modern, full of glass walls and chrome. It made Jinki feel small and insignificant – especially next to Minho who looked like he belonged in this world. The crutches didn’t help that feeling. If anything, they made it worse.

 

The room they entered was a bustling mess of people. Jonghyun was leant over a table, pointing at various points of a big spreadsheet. Taemin sat on a sofa in a corner, fully immersed in his phone. Minho left Jinki’s side to go over to Jonghyun’s side and whisper in his ear.

 

Jonghyun looked up with a wide smile. “Jinki, you’re here! Come on in, please feel comfortable.”

 

Seeing as it was the only seat in the room that wouldn’t make him be in the way, Jinki sat down next to Taemin. It granted him a small smile and a mumbled “hey”.

 

From what he knew, Jinki figured he was in a standard practice room. The floor was made of wood, mirrors lined one wall and next to it stood two big speakers. The sofa faced the mirror, so Jinki could see himself – still painfully out of place, even when his limited mobility was only visible through the crutches he had leant onto the sofa. The room was full of people. Most of them stood in small groups, deep in discussion. It was all too fast, too loud for him to figure out what was going on.

 

“Uh, Taemin?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“What’s happening here again?”

 

“Oh!” Taemin put his phone down and sat up and all of a sudden, he gave off the usual, excited energy of a Little Taemin. “Minho and Jonghyunnie are working on a drama, well, I am too, I guess? Minho is playing the main character and Jonghyunnie made some of the soundtrack and they want to have a dance number to one of his songs? So they asked me to do the choreo but they need to decide on the parts of the song first and in which scene exactly it’s going to be so I have to wait for a bit.”

 

Jinki’s head was spinning at Taemin’s sheer talking speed but he got the gist of it. “Uh, are you Taemin or Minnie right now?”

 

Taemin shrugged, rather helplessly. “Taemin, but I’m kinda slipping all the time. I didn’t sleep well, that usually plays a role.”

 

They spent some minutes watching the flurry around them. Minho just watched Jonghyun who seemed to have found a topic he was passionate about. His hands drew exasperated pictures into the air, making Jinki muse about the fact that he hadn’t really seen that side of him yet. Eventually, the discussion seemed to have ended to Jonghyun’s satisfaction and he and Minho came over to the sofa.

 

“Minho, sit down next to Jinki. Be careful of his legs.” Jonghyun instructed and Jinki frowned. That tone was new. He almost expected Minho to argue but he didn’t. He just nodded quietly and sat down – careful of Jinki’s legs.

 

“Jonghyunnie, is it my turn now?”

 

“Yes, Tae, it is.” Jonghyun smiled. “You feeling up to it? Is Big Taemin here for the choreo?”

 

Taemin nodded vigorously. “I already have some ideas based on the sample you sent me, but I’m not sure whether it’ll fit with the atmosphere of the scene.”

 

Jinki blinked. That was quite the transformation of demeanour.

 

Jonghyun and Taemin turned to walk to the middle of the room but Jonghyun turned around quickly to tell Minho to talk to Jinki before they made it there.

 

So, Minho talked, endlessly, about his role. Jinki was sure that at point he cited most of his lines in the first episode without context. It was just as overwhelming as Taemin’s monologue earlier, but way longer. Jinki tried his best to listen while still watching Taemin work with some of the dancers. He laughed a bit more than he probably usually would but Jinki doubted anyone would realize if they didn’t know what to look for.

 

“I don’t know if I can dance though,” Minho babbled on. “Are you good at dancing, Jinki?”

 

And everything froze for a second. Jinki had never been good at dancing, it had never been a part of his life. But life has a way of making you want what you can’t have and Jinki had longed for the feeling of weightlessness dancing could bring for months now.

 

“I, uh, not really?” He managed to get out. Minho recoiled in what seemed to be realization.

 

“Oh no, no no no no, Jinki, oh god, I’m so sorry, no no no.”

 

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jinki tried, shocked by Minho’s violent reaction, but it was in vain.

 

“How could I have asked that?” Minho was rocking back and forth slightly. “How can I be so insensitive?” The look on his face turned slightly manic and Jinki started to feel worried. He tuned out Minho’s low, incessant monologue and looked for Jonghyun who, praise the Lord, was looking over at them right that moment.

 

After a short look, he said something to the young woman next to him and came over. “Minho,” his voice was sharp. “What happened?”

 

Jinki swallowed and felt very out of place.

 

“I was insensitive,” Minho whispered. Or was it a whimper? “I know he can’t dance, why would I ask that? Oh God, I’m such an asshole, why would anyone-“

 

“That’s enough!” Jonghyun cut him off. “Go ahead to the bathroom, I’ll meet you there.”

 

Jinki was getting suspicious. The way Minho and Jonghyun interacted was strange. It didn’t seem balanced. It was almost like…

 

“Jonghyun? Is Minho a sub?”

 

Jonghyun’s head swivelled around from where he’d been watching Minho’s back. His eyes bore into Jinki’s, making him feel small. “How do you know?” He demanded, a frantic look in his eyes.

 

Jinki shrugged. “It just, makes sense? The way he’s been acting today…”

 

“Ok, so you know what that is,” Jonghyun seemed so slump into himself and took a deep breath. “Please tell me your reaction to that is the same as to Little Taemin.”

 

“Sure? I mean, I don’t know what it means for him, but as long as he’s not hurting you, it’s alright for me?”

 

Jonghyun smiled. “See, that’s why we like you Jinki. You make us feel safe.” (Something warm bloomed in Jinki’s chest.) “Now excuse me while I come up for some form of punishment so Mr.-‘I-need-to-be-perfect-to-anyone’-Choi can feel comfortable with himself again. I’ll send Taemin over so you can look after him, alright? He’s slipping.”

 

Jinki nodded and five seconds later, Taemin bounced over, excitedly telling him about all the super cool spins he was going to put into the choreography and wouldn’t Umma love it if they all surprised him with ice-cream later? “We should get loads of sprinkles too!! Like, a lot Onew!”

 

When Minho and Jonghyun came back, Minho seemed better. He ruffled Taemin’s hair, calmly apologized to Jinki and then agreed enthusiastically with Taemin about the ice-cream.

 

“Alright,” Jonghyun announced, mainly to end the discussion so they could go back to work. “As soon as Taeminnie has the rough outline of the choreography ready and Minho knows it, we go to Kibum’s place.”

 

Jinki couldn’t help but cheer along with Minho and Taemin.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kibum’s place, as it turned out, was a flat in a luxurious high-rise building near the river. It wasn’t as big and a lot cosier than the stereotypical flat owned by a young, rich bachelor that Jinki had somehow expected. Two poodles immediately pounced on Taemin as soon as they were through the door and Taemin collapsed onto the floor in a heap of giggles.

 

Kibum smiled widely. He was in casual clothing, his hair held back by a wide headband.

 

“What brings you guys here? I thought you had a choreo-thing happening today? And how did you get Jinki?”

 

Jonghyun explained the situation while Minho, who had taken off his suit and changed into jeans and a sweatshirt like the rest of them, helped Jinki into the living room and onto the sofa. It was wide, deep red and incredibly soft while still firm enough to support his hip in a way that wouldn’t aggravate it. Jinki loved it.

 

Kibum asked (ordered? Jinki couldn’t help but wonder.) Minho to prepare tea for them. Taemin flopped down next to Jinki, chased by the poodles who took residence on his lap right away.

 

“Onew, they like me.” Taemin stage-whispered.

 

“Yes, it looks like it.” Jinki stage-whispered back.

 

Jonghyun and Kibum were talking quietly at the door, both with serious expressions on their faces, their brows furrowed. Jinki couldn’t help but wonder how much responsibility they took on for Minho and Taemin and now him. It must be stressful.

 

A few minutes later, Minho came back into the room, holding a tray with a matching tea set. He put it down onto the low table and prepared a cup for each of them. Then he looked at Jonghyun and Kibum, a hesitant look on his face. “Is it- is it alright if I kneel?”

 

“Of course it is. But you have to drink your tea.” Kibum answered firmly and that was it. Minho looked at ease, kneeling between the armchairs Kibum and Jonghyun sat in and Jinki wondered if he should be weirded out or confused. But one look at the contentment on Minho’s face and he couldn’t help but feel that it wasn’t his place to judge.

 

Kibum coaxed Taemin into telling him about the choreography. Apparently, he was also quite well-versed when it came to dance and it was interesting to see him interact with Little Taemin.

 

Jonghyun was running his hand absentmindedly through Minho’s hair while he listened to Kibum’s and Taemin’s conversation.

 

Jinki watched them and felt content, calm and at home.

 

* * *

 

 

It was after they had dinner – cooked by Minho – and Taemin was napping on the sofa – underneath a fuzzy blanket with poodle prints that Kibum kept for him – and Minho walked Kibum’s dogs, that Jonghyun and Kibum announced that they had to talk to Jinki.

 

Jinki hated that phrase. “We have to talk to you.” It always sounded foreboding.

 

“Uh, ok?” And he couldn’t run away, his crutches were at the door because Minho had helped him move into the kitchen.

 

“Don’t worry,” Kibum chuckled, “it isn’t anything bad.”

 

Jinki heaved a sigh of relief.

 

“We just want you to know more, I guess? About all of us.” Jonghyun said and something in Jinki settled. “So, you know that Taemin has his Little Space, and Minho his Sub Space, if we can call it that?” Kibum nodded at Jonghyun’s questioning glance. “It seems like each is a coping mechanism for them since their family situations aren’t… the greatest.”

 

Jonghyun trailed off, at a loss for words and Kibum took over. “Minho’s parents are really demanding. They decided, when Minho was really young, that he should become famous and did everything they could to make it happen. We think his childhood was mostly filled with lessons in all kinds of stuff, just so he has many skills that would make him desirable as an actor. And Minho couldn’t deal with it but his parents didn’t allow him to stop and from what we gathered they could be quite violent. And Minho just developed that headspace where all he wants is to serve someone else and be held responsible for his actions. It’s how he feels loved.”

 

Jinki could picture that and his chest felt tight. A little Minho, almost breaking under the expectations from his parents and trying desperately to stay afloat. Faceless adults, looming over little Minho, scaring him into obedience.

 

“How did you guys find out?” He asked.

 

Jonghyun shrugged. “We just figured it out at one point. Kinda like you did. Kibum had worked with a really rich dom/sub couple who had explained their lifestyle to him because he was curious and he saw the signs, right?

 

Kibum nodded. “It’s actually quite easy to see. He had the habit of punishing himself when he thought it necessary and he hurt himself quite often. I don’t think his parents ever realized, so he had no one to take care of him. He really isn’t the type to venture into that kind of lifestyle on his own, to maybe find someone to understand. So, I talked to Jonghyun about it and since we already had experience with Taeminnie we thought all the mistakes we’d make wouldn’t be as bad as leaving him on his own. And then we talked to Minho, put down some ground rules and now it works quite well.” He seemed to want to say more but then the front door opened and Minho’s laughter filled the flat.

 

“Oh, no!” Kibum muttered and got up. “Minho,” he called quietly when he was at the door, “please don’t wake Taeminnie up, he just went to sleep ten minutes ago.”

 

“Sorry!” Minho called back, just as quietly.

 

He came into the kitchen, looking windswept and happy and glowing and Jinki’s chest felt even tighter. Before he could stop himself, he got up. Ignoring Kibum’s concerned question whether he was alright he looked at Minho. “Could you give me a hug? I think I really need one right now.”

 

Minho didn’t even hesitate and Jinki felt himself melt into it. He couldn’t believe those incredible people had accepted him and made him part of their group, despite all the difficulties and obstacles being friends with him entailed. He couldn’t fathom what he had done to deserve it but he knew he would do everything to be worth their friendship.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooooo, I know it's been ages and I deeply apologize for that. A lot has happened to me lately but I didn't forget this story, it just didn't want to be written. I'm developing so much affection for the boys in this story though, wow.
> 
> If there are any scenarios you'd be curious about or want to see in this story, please don't hesitate to tell me. I love your comments, they give me a lot of strength ❤
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com


	5. Part 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I contemplated a lot whether I want to continue this. On one hand it felt like I shouldn't. But this is my way to cope and Jonghyun will never be truly gone for me. So writing this story allows me to deal with the situation. If you're uncomfortable with this, please just don't read it. I would never judge you for it. Make sure you are comfortable above anything else. 
> 
> (This chapter features depression. Just a heads up.)
> 
> RIP Jonghyun. You were a light in the darkness that came to take you in the end.

Minho joined Jonghyun, Jinki and Kibum for their talk. He didn’t seem too keen on talking though, he just hummed at parts he agreed with and let his fingers stroke over Jinki’s back. It was an overwhelming feeling at first but after a while Jinki actually came to enjoy it. It gave him a sensation for a part of his brain to concentrate on which helped him focus on what Jonghyun and Kibum were telling him.

 

“Ok, about Taemin. He’s a complicated one.” Kibum started. “As you know, he’s the son of a chabeol and that – that hasn’t been easy. His father is terribly strict. But he has a soft spot for kids. Taemin had a wonderful childhood, as far as we know. You know, lots of love and trust and all that. But then he turned 12 and his mother got pregnant again.”

 

Jinki bit his lip. He had a feeling about where this story was going. His hip was throbbing.

 

“All of a sudden, Taem wasn’t the youngest anymore. Not only that, his father expected him to take on the responsibility of being his son. Once his sister was born, from what we know, he didn’t get any attention anymore, only when he did something wrong. But he saw the way his sister was loved and coddled because she was a child and we think that convinced his mind that affection is only possible when you’re a kid.”

 

“I’ve known him forever.” Jonghyun added. “Our dads are business partners. We spent all the functions together because we were always the only kids. And I think I just kind of noticed after a while? He loves his sister, but he’d always get that look when he watched his parents shower her with love. I had just started therapy for my depression back then and the way therapy works fascinated me. So, I talked to my therapist about Taemin, about what I noticed, and she helped me to talk to him to find out what the matter was.” He chuckled. “He slipped into real Little Space for the first time during a huge dinner in Namsan Tower. My therapist had warned me that it could happen, so I wasn’t shocked but try to contain Minnie in an interesting place like that tower without anyone noticing. My clothes were soaked in sweat when I got home.”

 

Minho made a slight noise of disgust. Jinki giggled. He could very well picture that – Taemin, way younger than the one he knew but with a mind even more so, enraptured by the wonders of Namsan Tower. It was a precious image.

 

A part of Jinki’s mind registered what Jonghyun had said about himself and he swallowed. Growing up in Korea, he was not used to mental health being mentioned in such a way. The only way he had heard the word ‘Depression’ before was either in a deprecating way (“She says she’s depressed. She should just take some time off and pull herself together. Everyone has stuff to deal with.”) or connected to suicide. For someone to just throw it out there, like it was nothing… he couldn’t help the small flame of admiration that started glowing in his belly.

 

Apparently, he and Kibum shared the same train of thought. Kibum put his arm around Jonghyun’s shoulders and pulled him into a hug. “Look at you, just mentioning it like that. I’m so proud of you.” He murmured, an affectionate smile playing around his lips.

 

Jonghyun’s returning smile was brilliant. “Right?? I just said it! Just like that! I did it!”

 

“We have worked really hard on that.” Minho whispered into Jinki’s ear. “He’s had depression for so long and he accepts it for himself, but he can’t grasp the idea that others might be accepting of it as well. It took all three of us to get him out of a really, really bad episode and only then did he admit it. He must really trust you.”

 

The flame in Jinki’s belly grew even more but at the same time something in him shrivelled. So much trust on him. So, so much responsibility for another person’s wellbeing. What if he did something that broke that trust? Trust was so easily lost, so easily broken beyond repair. What would he do if one of the four boys decided he wasn’t worth it? He knew they would stick together, they had gone through so much without him already, they didn’t need him. Maybe they just saw him as a new interesting project? He knew his condition was confusing, it made very little sense, even to him, and to others it must become very irritating quickly. What if that happened soon? If they decided that they had enough of him and his issues and limitations. He would be alone and helpless, he should’ve stayed at home, maybe his mother’s comments hadn’t been that bad after all-

 

He became aware of someone pressing their hand against his chest. His chest that felt way too tight for air, too tight to even have enough space for his heart. A strange wheezing sound filled his ears - it was the only thing he could hear - and it took the hand to wander up from his chest to cradle his cheek to understand it was his own breathing. There was so little air, too little air, and in his panic, he was convinced that he would suffocate. But then someone pressed a plastic bag against his mouth which escalated his panic for two seconds but then his breathing stabilized and wonderful, wonderful air filled his still aching lungs.

 

“Jinki?”

 

His vision came back and he saw Kibum kneeling in front of him. His face was anxious, the hand he had planted on Jinki’s knee to steady himself flexed and shook sporadically. The other clutched the plastic bag.

 

“Yes.” Jinki rasped. “I’m here.”

 

“Oh, thank God.” Kibum sighed and rested his forehead against Jinki’s sternum. It made his chest hurt more but at the same time it helped so Jinki didn’t say anything. He just lifted his hand, it felt strange, like it belonged to someone else, and stroked through Kibum’s hair, hoping to calm him down.

 

Minho appeared behind Kibum, a bar of chocolate in his hand. “This should help.” He smiled and Jinki did his best to return it.

 

It really did help.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jonghyun came back into the kitchen with Big Taemin in tow. They both looked relieved that Jinki was breathing normally again and hugged him briefly. Kibum brought him a glass of water.

 

“Was that your first panic attack?” Jonghyun asked into the silence.

 

Jinki felt dazed. “That’s what this is?”

 

Taemin scoffed. “Obviously.” Jonghyun and Kibum glared at him. “I mean, sorry, fuck-“

 

“Please excuse him, his manners leave him sometimes.” Kibum said, still glaring at Taemin. “He’s too used to just being around us and let’s be honest here, we’re quite open about the mental stuff.” He threw one more proud look at Jonghyun.

 

“So yeah, this was a panic attack Jinki.” Jonghyun said. “How do you feel?”

 

Jinki grimaced. His body felt it had been hit by a truck. In an absurd moment of thought he thanked the heavens that he wasn’t expected to wear bras. The mere idea of any kind of restriction around his chest hurt.

 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kibum asked carefully.

 

Jinki shook his head. It seemed so childish in retrospect. So utterly stupid now that he looked into their faces and saw nothing but concern and affection.

 

“Let’s watch a movie then.” Taemin announced. “It’s weird not to watch one when we’re here.”

 

Everyone agreed and Jinki was asleep five minutes into the film.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 _What are your plans for today?  
_ **[Jonghyun]**

I have a thing with my agency :(((  
**[Minho]**

 _Library I guess_  
**[Jinki]**

 _Oh nice, mind if I join? I haven’t been very productive lately >.<_  
**[Jonghyun]**

 _Ofc!!_  
**[Jinki]**

 _I want to be there around 10?  
_ **[Jinki]**

 _Do you want me to pick you up?  
_ **[Jonghyun]**

 _Nah, thanks, I’m actually quite good today :)_  
**[Jinki]**

 _Awesome!  
_ **[Jonghyun]**

 _Yay!!  
_ **[Minho]**

 _I need to be at a store opening :/  
_ **[Kibum]**

 _Taem, you’ll be there too, right?  
_ **[Kibum]**

 _You know he doesn’t check his phone often enough for questions like this dude  
_ **[Jonghyun]**

 _Tru  
_ **[Kibum]**

 _:D  
_ **[Minho]**

 _Jinki, I’ll meet you there at 10. First floor?  
_ **[Jonghyun]**

 _Perfect_  
**[Jinki]**

 _Have fun you guys!  
_ **[Minho]**

 _Be productive  
_ **[Kibum]**

 

Jinki and Jonghyun worked well together. They had different ways to grasp the material, but they were complimentary. Quizzing each other gave them the opportunity to talk about their perspectives on the law and provided an understanding they wouldn’t have gotten on their own. Jinki knew he was smart but for once he felt that he could actually get his degree somewhat comfortably.

 

They got lunch at the cafeteria and even though Jonghyun had to get Jinki’s food for him since his crutches didn’t allow him to carry a tray, he felt almost normal. He was just a student, studying and eating with one of his friends. Some of the other students looked at him strangely but he ignored them. Most of them probably thought he had had an injury and was still recovering. He could deal with that. As long as no one demanded an explanation for his crutches, as some people something believed they deserved just because their curiosity knew no boundaries of privacy, he would be fine.

 

Jonghyun placed the two trays on the table Jinki had chosen for them (a table for two in a far corner, next to one of the big windows) and sat down, grinning.

 

“I gotta say Jinki, I haven’t been that productive in ages.”

 

“Same,” Jinki hummed around his spoonful of soup. “We should be good for the quiz next week.”

 

Jonghyun nodded in agreement and they ate in silence for a while. The soup was good. Hearty enough to feel like a real meal, at least. Jinki had been terrible when it came to feeding himself lately.

 

“We should ask the other three how prepared they are. I think they’d appreciate a crash course.” Jonghyun mused.

 

“What about you, do you have a lot of work to do right now?”

 

“Not really. I’m not very fond of having a set contract or anything. I don’t need the money and I feel suffocated by expectation very easily. So usually I just compose stuff and then send it to some entertainment agencies and they decide if they want to buy it. That movie I’m doing with Taemin and Minho is the most I ever really get involved. It’s nice.”

 

Jinki nodded in awe. He had such cool friends.

 

When they got up, Jinki paused. His right leg felt strange, almost like –

 

“Jinki?” Jonghyun’s voice rose in pitch. “Did you just take a normal step?”

 

“Uh, yeah, I think?” Jinki asked. Staring down at his leg. “Damn, it was about time, it’s been weeks. That’s the longest it ever lasted.”

 

“Oh right, you didn’t have your crutches on the first day, did you?” Jonghyun realized.

 

Jinki hummed. “Yup. Usually my hip is bad for about a week, then I have a few days of movement and then it comes back. I was actually worried because it’s been so long.”

 

They brought their trays back, Jinki carrying his crutches in one hand, the tray in the other, and went back to the library. It felt strange to be walking normally, albeit slowly. He wanted to enjoy it, but something held him back.

 

After four more hours of studying, they packed their bags. Jinki’s hip was back to being a literal pain, so he sighed and used his crutches again. They stepped into the elevator, nodding at the two girls already in there. One of them, with a long braid, squinted at Jinki and he was reminded of why he couldn’t even enjoy the good days.

 

“Didn’t you walk earlier?” She demanded. Her tone was accusatory.

 

“Uh, yes?” Jinki replied, but it sounded more like a question.

 

“Then why are you pretending you need these?” She lightly kicked the crutch closest to her and it hurt in a strange way – Jinki almost sobbed. “We already know you don’t need them.”

 

He didn’t know what to say. He just stared at her, hoping she’d disappear.

 

Jonghyun chose another approach. “You know what I’ve always asked myself Jinki?” He asked in an almost sickeningly sweet voice.

 

“H-hm?”

 

“How is it, that the dumbest people are also the ones the most unaware of their stupidity.” He smiled at the girl with the braid who had gone very pale. “This university should really have higher standards when this is the scum they let in.”

 

The elevator doors opened and the girls fled.

 

Jonghyun was seething. “We shouldn’t tell Kibum about this. He’d kill them.” He muttered. “Come one, I’m gonna treat us to some alcohol, we deserve it after this.”

 

Jinki looked at Jonghyun. “Thank you,” he said with all the sincerity he had. “You didn’t have to do this. I’m used to it.”

 

Jonghyun looked close to exploding out of rage. “That’s even worse!! And of course I did, you’re my friend and you’re important to me and you deserve so, so much better.” He sounded close to tears. Rubbing his eyes angrily and ignoring Jinki’s knowing grin (he knew how much of a cry-baby Jonghyun was by now), he grumbled “let’s go get those drinks. I’ll have Amber pick us up, she’s used to me being drunk.”

 

 _You guys are mean, I do check my phone >:(  
_ **[Taemin]**

 _Taemin, it has literally been 10 HOURS  
_ **[Kibum]**

 _:D  
_ **[Minho]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think and if you want anything to happen in this story ❤
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com


	6. Part Six

 

Exam time was fast approaching. On some distant level, Jinki had known that his exams were at a fixed point in time and that each day brought them closer. But it was a different matter to check his calendar for a time to get coffee with Sunyoung only to realize that he had just over three weeks left before the first exam was upon them. He had done his best to keep on top of his studies -  truth be told, his hip had him sit at home or the library a lot, so he had the time.

 

Kibum had often expressed his envy about that matter since he was so swamped with work that he barely had the time to come to the lectures and seminars. He was a perfectionist, Jinki had realized, and very hard on himself. No matter how often he tried to reassure Kibum that he would be fine, that he had a lot of experience to draw from which would make studying easier, it didn’t help.

 

But Jinki had an idea. Taemin was done with the choreography for Minho’s drama and had decided to not do any projects before the exams so he was just as free as Jinki.

 

_Hey Taemin!!_  
**[Jinki]**

 

_Jinki!! Hey!!!_  
**[Taemin]**

 

_What’s up???_  
**[Taemin]**

 

_What do you think about tutoring the other three?  
_ **[Jinki]**

 

_Jinkiiiiiii_  
**[Taemin]**

 

_… Are you little?_  
**[Jinki]**

 

_:D_  
**[Taemin]**

 

Jinki laughed. He would just start with his plan then.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

“So yeah, I thought maybe they’d like it?” Jinki said into the phone, significantly less sure about his plan now that he was saying it out loud.

 

Taemin, not little anymore, but not quite big either, made an enthusiastic noise on the other side of the line.

 

“They’d love it! Especially Kibummie, he’s been so stressed lately.” The tone of his voice betrayed the pout he was no doubt sporting.

 

They quickly agreed on a time to meet the next day and Jinki, enjoying a wave of productivity, threw himself into his plans. It was simple, really: neither Minho, Jonghyun nor Kibum had enough time for exam preparations. Jinki and Taemin did. So they would prepare all the content for the other three, to make it easier for them to revise. Jinki just hoped they would appreciate it, not feel like he was being condescending.

 

Studying with Taemin proved to be very different to studying with Jonghyun. It was no less productive however, so Jinki enjoyed Taemin’s quiet focus, only occasionally broken when Taemin asked about connections between different aspects the lecturers had covered. Jinki’s hip had been good for two days, he was working on helping his friends – he hadn’t felt this content in months.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Kibum, Minho and Jonghyun were overwhelmed with gratitude when Taemin and Jinki presented them with their prepared notes. The two of them had snuck into Kibum’s flat (“Taemin, is it really sneaking when you have a key?” “Don’t take the fun out of this Jinki!”) and made the living room study-friendly with lots of healthy snacks, water and copies of the notes for everyone.

 

The others stumbled into the flat at 5 o’clock, half an hour before the five of them had agreed to meet there. They had had an appointment in the same building which made a meeting on that day rather convenient. Jinki just worried they would be too tired.

 

“You guys are here!” Jonghyun exclaimed, as Minho cheered in the background. “I thought it was supposed at half past 5?”

 

Kibum was sitting on the floor, greeting his poodles like they were his long-lost children.

 

Jinki smiled, nervously, and felt his hip throb in apprehension. “We, um, prepared something?” His voice was almost a squeak. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all. The others probably felt smothered. Or they thought that Jinki thought of them as dumb and ineffective. Or his notes weren’t good enough for them to understand. Or-

 

Taemin interrupted his thoughts just in time to prevent them from spiralling out of control.

 

“We made study notes for you.” He grinned. Minho’s and Jonghyun’s eyes widened. Kibum hacked out a cough mid-coo.

 

“Uh, yeah, we thought, since you’re all so busy and we had time-“ Jinki started but was interrupted when Jonghyun barrelled towards him. The smaller of the two reached up and let his hand with Jinki’s hair.

 

“Stop me if you don’t like it.” He ordered, breathlessly, rushed. Before Jinki could reply – did he even want to? – Jonghyun had connected their lips in an innocent but heartfelt kiss. They had just separated and Jinki’s head was still spinning too much to allow for any coherent thought, when Minho laughed, delighted.

 

“Is that a thing we’re doing now?” He asked but didn’t wait for an answer and bent down and planted a firm peck on Kibum’s lips. Kibum made a high noise in the back of throat but didn’t seem unhappy.

 

Taemin sneaked up behind Jinki and gave Jonghyun a kiss over Jinki’s shoulder. Then he shuffled around to also stand in front of Jinki and kissed him as well.

 

Before the ensuing silence could get awkward, Kibum disentangled himself from Minho and jumped onto his feet. “I know you’re going to find this terribly pragmatic now and don’t hate me but we really do need to study. Let’s talk about this later tonight, alright?”

 

Jinki cleared his throat, glad for the opportunity to avoid a talk about feelings. His lips still tingled pleasantly from the combined feeling of Taemin’s and Jonghyun’s lips. “He’s right. Would anyone like some tea?”

 

Minho immediately took over the task of preparing the requested tea and they all gathered around the table in the living room (Jinki on a chair, the rest on the floor). Jonghyun choked up when he saw the carefully prepared notes and rested his head on Jinki’s good leg for most of the study session.

 

They talked to each other like they did before, no interaction seemed to be weighed down by the earlier kisses. But there were small differences. Minho always seemed to be touching either Kibum or Taemin. Kibum occasionally reached across the table to smooth down Jonghyun’s fringe. Taemin seemed to take comfort from keeping his hand around Jinki’s ankle.

 

It made Jinki wonder – had they been like that all the time and just hid it from him? Or was it a new development that he was allowed to be a part of? He had always known that he fancied boys over girls but what about the others? Would they get weirded out once the novelty of the situation faded? What if this tore their group apart?

 

His hip stung sharply at the thought and he banished it immediately. He couldn’t imagine anything that would disrupt this group – and if him leaving them was necessary to make sure their friendship could persist, he would gladly do so. But Jonghyun’s head was warm and comfortable against his thigh and Taemin’s hand around his ankle gave him a feeling of being grounded, of belonging like he never had before.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Three hours of productivity later, Kibum declared himself beat and unable to remember even one more word. Taemin groaned in agreement and flopped over to lay his head in Minho’s lap.

 

Something in Jinki’s stomach tightened as he realized that they would have The Talk now. He hated Talks.

 

Kibum coughed. “Alright, first: Jinki, how do you identify?”

 

Jinki gaped at him.

 

“He means your sexual orientation.” Jonghyun mumbled, his words slightly muffled by Jinki’s thigh.

 

“Oh, I think I’m gay?”

 

A sigh of relief went through the room. Jinki saw Taemin turn his head to stick his tongue out at Minho. It made Jinki suspect that this had been a topic they discussed before.

 

Kibum grinned. “Perfect! I think we’ll tell you on our own when we want but we’re definitely not straight.”

 

_Huh,_ Jinki thought, _what were the odds?_

No one said anything for a while – Jonghyun rubbed his cheek against Jinki’s thigh, Minho stroked Taemin’s head and back, Kibum patted Comme De’s fur.

 

Jonghyun broke the silence eventually and bashfully admitted, “Please don’t laugh but I can’t decide who of you I want to kiss more. Can we just do that? Without making things weird?”

 

Jinki’s chest tightened in affection for the other and he made a noise of agreement.

 

“I’m for it!” Taemin declared and twisted around to press a kiss to Minho’s fingers. It earned him a happy laugh and soon they were rolling around on the floor, peppering each other with kisses. Jonghyun leaned up just as Jinki leaned down to press their lips together. Then Jonghyun crawled over to Kibum and kissed him just underneath the eyes.

 

“Let go Bummie,” he murmured, with his forehead pressed against Kibum’s. Jinki watched in a mix of adoration and nervousness. “I promise nothing you’re thinking of will happen. Let’s talk later when we’re more in the mood and just enjoy the moment, alright? Love?”

 

Kibum blushed at the pet-name but then chuckled and kissed Jonghyun gently on the lips. His eyes shone with unshed tears.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Jinki expected groundbreaking changes in their group after that day. It felt like the universe had shifted out of alignment, into a new, better reality. Everything seemed brighter than before, more colourful.

 

But when he saw the others again, he didn’t feel much of a  difference. He met with Taemin for another study session at the library the next day to prepare for the other three. Everything was normal, except for the kiss Taemin pressed to the side of his head when they were in the elevator alone. Warmth seemed to radiate from the spot, to the very tips of his toes. The smile didn’t seem to leave his face for hours.

 

Their second group study session a few days later started off strange. Jinki couldn’t walk well, so he was sitting on his chair while Taemin prepared Kibum’s living room for them – but that was nothing new. Then Kibum came home, cuddled Comme Des and Garcons for a few minutes, kissed both Jinki and Taemin hello and took a shower. The kisses were still slightly new and exciting and made butterflies erupt in Jinki’s stomach but still. Nothing out of the ordinary.

 

The change into new territory happened, when Jonghyun and Minho arrived. Jonghyun came into the room first and Jinki could just make out his subtle shake of his head when Minho entered.

 

“Alright, let’s get this shitshow over with.” Minho grumbled and collapsed onto the floor. “It’s so fucking much and we’re goddamn behind and it sucks.”

 

Jinki swallowed. He’d always felt uncomfortable around excessive cursing – especially if he didn’t expect it. It always seemed so aggressive. He didn’t think he could remember a time when Minho swore so much around him. Some curse words here or there were normal for everyone but this? That was unusual.

 

“Hey assholes, can we fucking start?” Minho almost yelled.

 

Taemin jumped up. “Hey Jinki, could you help me with something?”

 

Jinki wanted to refuse. His hip hurt a lot and he had just found a position that didn’t aggravate it. But Taemin knew about the state of his hip and he looked so desperate that Jinki couldn’t refuse.

 

“Can I hold onto you then? My elbows are really sore.” He asked. His elbows would have a permanent rough patch of skin soon, he was sure. The crutches repeatedly rubbed against that part of his arm. He was just glad they didn’t rub it open.

 

Taemin nodded and together they made their way to the kitchen. Garcons joined them, prompting Taemin to sit down on the floor to pet him why Jinki leaned against the counter.

 

Eventually, Jinki couldn’t hold his tongue anymore and had to ask what was happening.

 

“Oh sorry, I probably should have told you.” Taemin mumbled. He got up again to fit himself against Jinki’s side before he continued. Jinki put an arm around him. “They’re going to put Minho into subspace because he only talks like that when he needs it. It’s a system we have.”

 

“But why are we here?”

 

“The way that works best on Minho always makes me be Little but I don’t want that right now. And please don’t be mad, but,” he nibbled on his lower lip. “we haven’t talked to you about this yet and Minho hasn’t said he’s ok with you there. But I’m sure he won’t mind! I just wanted to be careful.” He hastened to add, as if he needed to lessen the words. But Jinki only felt affection for Taemin’s thoughtfulness and told him so. Taemin beamed in response.

 

Then, because he apparently was feeling chatty, he continued to explain. “It was Jonghyun’s therapist that told him how to do it, how to get Minho into subspace. His meanie-days got really bad sometimes and we didn’t know what to do about them, so she gave us that solution. She said it happens because something in Minho refuses to let go, probably because of too much stress, and so there is no outlet. My mind always knows when I need to be Taeminnie so I’m fine but apparently Minho sometimes thinks he doesn’t deserve to get away from stress. Kibummie and Jonghyunnie were really against it in the beginning because they said it was like taking Minho’s free will. We actually went to Jonghyun’s therapist together for that once, to put down ground rules, as she called it. Because Minho really wanted them to put him ‘under’, his words.”

 

Jinki nodded, encouraging Taemin to go on and pressed a kiss to the top of his head.

 

Taemin snuggled closer. “So now it’s like this. When Minho turns into a meanie, Jonghyunnie and Kibummie use the techniques Mrs Moon taught us. Took forever to find one that works almost every time.”

 

Something bothered Jinki about that statement. He frowned. “But what if Minho doesn’t want it in that moment? Shouldn’t it be like consent? Only do things when the other says yes?”

 

Taemin made a noise of agreement. “Yeah, Kibummie was really concerned about that. That’s why he didn’t want to do it at first. But Minho would never ask for it, you know how he is, he feels like a burden if he asks for things. So, he gave his yes in the beginning without restrictions and whenever he’s a meanie, Jonghyunnie and Kibummie ask him if he is ok with putting him into subspace before they do it.”

 

Jinki hummed. That sounded like it made sense. It probably wasn’t what most Twitter-accounts considered as consent, but it worked for their situation and that was all Jinki cared about in the end.

 

“I’m so impressed with all of you,” he murmured against Taemin’s hair. “You’re handling and navigating all of this so well. You’re amazing.” He earned a smiling kiss for that.

 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, talking about their classes and the project Taemin would likely start with after the exams until Minho came to get them. His posture was perfect and the almost shy way he politely asked them to come to the living room was such a stark contrast to the Minho before that Jinki was almost disoriented.

 

Jonghyun and Kibum were whispering to each other when the three of them joined them at the table – Minho was supporting Jinki. Their hands where entangled with each other.

 

“Before we start with this, we wanted to clear up something.” Jonghyun announced. The familiar lump of nervousness reappeared in Jinki’s belly at the thought of a Talk.

 

“Minho, we know, you’re still able to make decisions yourself but still, there will be no kissing or ‘intimate’,” he made air quotations around that word, “cuddling. We’ll talk about it once you’re out of subspace and we’re sure none of your answers are because you want to please us. Alright?”

 

Minho, Jinki and Taemin nodded. The fact that Kibum and Jonghyun were so aware of consent made Jinki trust them even more than before. It really was like he could wholly and completely be himself without having to fear any ramifications for it.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I take ages to update and then the chapters aren't even that long... But I still hope you like it? ❤️
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com

**Author's Note:**

> The working title for this is “poor Jinki with my problems” (I’m not kidding) and that’s literally what it is. I’ve been having some health troubles for a while now with no diagnosis and I’ve already used Taemin and Jonghyun as victims to dump my problems on. Now it’s Jinki’s turn I guess. But this one will be way closer to my actual problems and daily routine so… Let’s see when I chicken out ^^;;
> 
> tumblr: jonghyoney.tumblr.com


End file.
